Shortness is Not a Defense

It's really too bad I'm not a conservative. Because I could have a lot of fun with this story.

A judge in Nebraska has sentenced a child molester convicted of two charges of felony sexual assault to probation instead of the hoosegow because -- get this! -- he's too short.

That's right -- you heard me. He's too short.

According to the AP story by Scott Bauer, "Cheyenne County District Judge Kristine Cecava [...] told Richard W. Thompson that his crimes deserved a long prison sentence but that he was too small to survive in a state prison."

Pee Wee wasn't too short to molest a 12-year-old, mind you, but he's too tiny for the slammer. Go figure.

Thompson could have been sentenced to 10 years in prison, but Judge Cecava sentenced him instead to 10 years probation.

"As part of the probation," the AP story continues, "he will be electronically monitored for the first four months and was told never to be alone with someone under age 18 or date or live with a woman whose children were under 18. He was also ordered to get rid of his pornography."

He has to get rid of his pornography?

Aw, come on, judge -- don't you think you're being a wee bit too strict here? I mean, really. Probation is one thing. Keeping him away from chicks under 18 is one thing -- but getting rid of his porn? Do you know how long it takes to put a collection like that together? A complete set of "Toe-Sucking Toddlers" and "Diaper Rash Nymphets" doesn't just happen by itself, you know.

The AP story continues:

"Joe Mangano, secretary of the National Organization of Short Statured Adults, agreed with the judge's assessment that Thompson would face dangers while in prison because of his height.

"I'm assuming a short inmate would have a much more difficult time than a large inmate," said Mangano, who is 5 feet 4 inches tall. "It's good to see somebody looking out for someone who is a short person.""

According to the AP story the state's attorney general, Jon Bruning, not being a complete fucking fool, is planning an appeal.

""I'm concerned about the message this sends to victims and perpetrators," said Marla Sohl with the Nebraska Domestic Violence Sexual Assault Coalition, adding that it shows more concern is being placed on the criminal and his safety in prison than the victim," according to the AP.

The AP story concludes:

"A spokesman for the prison system said Thompson's height would not put him at risk among the state's 4,400 inmates. There are protections available in prison to help inmates who feel threatened, prison spokesman Steve King said, but to his knowledge, no one has ever taken advantage of them based on fears related to their height.

"He's not the shortest guy we have in prison," King said. "We've got some short guys that are as tough as nails. We've got people from all ages, physical stature of all sizes, in general population."

State Sen. Ernie Chambers, a longtime critic of judges, said he was baffled by the sentence.

"If shortness is an excuse and protection from going to prison, short people ought to rob banks and do everything else they would wind up going to prison for," Chambers said. "We're talking here about a crime committed against a child, and shortness is not a defense.""

So what do we do about this?

It seems to me that, in order to forestall a midget crime wave, we're just going to have to build midget prisons, specifically designed to house shorter inmates. If people of diminished stature are going to commit crimes, then we'll have to have a facility to house them. We can put the sinks lower to the ground, make sure the bars are closer together (so they can't slip through), so that we can see to it that people who commit heinous crimes and are less than so-called "normal" size can be put away without endangering their personal safety by putting them in with the big boys.

It may seem like an inconvenience, but then again, think of all the money we'll save on materials.

Tom Moran