Reasons for Hillary To Stay In The Race

A lot of people have been making arguments for Hillary Clinton to get out of the presidential race. After all, they claim, she's pretty much mathematically eliminated, she can't win -- what's the point?

Well, recently Senator Clinton pointed out why she's still in a race she has no chance of winning -- after all, she said, Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June. There's no telling what could happen.

And you know, she does make a certain amount of sense. So I decided to tote up all the things that could conceivably intervene between now and the convention that would necessitate making Hillary Clinton, and not Barack Obama, the nomineee of the Democratic Party:

• Obama could be shot by a crazed gunman in love with Jodie Foster.
• He could be shot by Jodie Foster.
• He could be eaten by a puma.
• He could develop a crack habit.
• He could contract bubonic plague.
• A sex tape could surface in which he performs with Paris Hilton.
• He could turn out to be Canadian.
• He could be caught in a public restroom reading The Fountainhead to a truck driver.
• He could be struck by a bolt of lightning.

You see? Any of these are real possibilities. So get off Hillary's case! She's just playing the percentages. After all, shit happens, and if anyone knows how to take advantage of shit...

Tom Moran