Indy, Hang Up Your Whip

It's been 17 years since the last Indiana Jones movie, "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," was released, and there has been talk for years of Harrison Ford coming back to don the hat and leather jacket and bullwhip that are the trademarks of one of the more memorable characters in contemporary film, in an "Indiana Jones 4." A script has already been written and there's talk of filming "Indy 4" as early as next year.

I only have one piece of advice for you, Harrison.

Don't do it. Don't make "Indiana Jones 4."

You want to know why? Look at the last three "Star Wars" films. Don't they do nothing but tarnish the legacy of the fun, unpretentious films you made in the late 70s and early 80s? Do you want to do that to another franchise?

Or let's take another tack. Remember "The Road to Hong Kong," with Bob Hope and Bing Crosby vainly trying to recreate the fun they had in their 40s films made twenty years earlier? Remember how embarrassing it was to watch? Rent it sometime and check it out if you don't believe me.

Now keep this in mind: next year you will be six years older than Bob Hope was when he made "The Road to Hong Kong."

When Sean Connery played your father in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" he was 59 years old. In 2007 you will be 65 years old.

I know it sucks to admit it, but we all get older, and as we do there are some parts that we are no longer suited to play. Sean Connery doesn't try to be James Bond anymore, because he knows it would do nothing but tarnish the memory of the films he made during the Kennedy and Johnson administrations. Matthew Broderick doesn't keep playing Ferris Bueller. Soleil Moon Frye doesn't try to be Punky Brewster any more.

But there is one person who keeps trying to hold onto an image that he should have given up long ago, and that's Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson, Harrison. Think about that.

"Raiders of the Lost Ark" was a really entertaining, fun piece of filmmaking, but that was many years ago, and the parade's gone by. Muhammad Ali doesn't try to get back into the ring. Sandy Koufax knows enough not to get back onto the mound. So hang up your whip, Indiana Jones, and stick to playing roles that are more age-appropriate.

And it's really not that bad, when you think about it. It could be a lot worse.

After all, you could be a 40-year-old actress in Los Angeles.

Tom Moran