Two Cheerleaders Walk Into a Bar...

Isn't there something inherently American about the story of the two Carolina Panther cheerleaders who were kicked off the squad after being arrested? Given that most professional athletes could probably rape a nine-year-old on videotape and get away with it if they were able to catch a football or dunk a basketball, why are these women being singled out?

But first, let's go over the facts, for those people who haven't yet heard the story.

Two women, both of them cheerleaders for the Carolina Panthers, were in Banana Joe's bar in Tampa. One of the women was (barely) underage and using an ID belonging to another cheerleader. Both of the women were, apparently, inebriated. They were in the women's bathroom when they allegedly began engaging in the sort of activity that made Janine Lindemulder a porn star. Other women, who wanted to use the bathroom for other, less salacious, activities, took umbrage at this. One of the cheerleaders responded by allegedly assaulting one of the complaining women. Both cheerleaders were arrested -- one was charged with battery, the other with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. The Carolina Panthers responded by throwing both women off the cheerleading squad.

Now think. Why would these charges -- the kind of charges that pro athletes are charged with almost every day -- cause these women to lose their jobs? Think real hard.

Let me put it another way. If these women had been having sex in public with men, instead of each other, do they think they'd still have jobs today?

The fact is that professional sports in general is phobic about lesbians. They sort of resemble Queen Victoria, who wouldn't make lesbian sex illegal because she refused to admit that such activities could possibly happen. Nobody, for example, wants to admit that the WNBA is rife with lesbians, both on the court and in the stands. The people who run the sport prefer to pretend that all their players are straight as as arrow, so they can advertise the game as something that middle-class breeders can bring their little girls to without the risk of contagion from any nasty old dykes.

Basically, these women were fired, not because of what they're charged with, but because they had sex with each other. A simple bar fight might have gotten them suspended, but muff-diving loses them their jobs. What makes it even more ironic is that one of the women just released a statement through Tampa attorney Joe Episcopo, adamantly denying that any Sapphic activity took place. "She just wanted to make clear there was no sex,'' he said.

Could anything be more hypocritical -- or more American?

There just might be a happy ending to this story, however. The press is reporting that Penthouse wants these two women to pose nude for an upcoming issue of the magazine. If they asked me, I would tell them to turn down the offer, and head straight for the San Fernando Valley. After all, women as limber as these two are can always find work in the porn industry. And, when you think about it, why should they stand on the sidelines cheering for someone else -- when they can be the star of the show?

Tom Moran