Paris Hilton's Revirginization

It is a sad fact of life that some college girls have early (and sometimes first) sexual experiences that don't go as well as they might have. They can be downright disappointing. And sometimes, when that happens, the girl involved will deal with the situation by going into denial, and just in effect pretend the whole thing never happened.

I used to refer to this process as "revirginization."

Well, that seems to be what Paris Hilton, America's most famous skank, is attempting to do. She has told British GQ that, in an interview reported by the Associated Press, that she plans on being celibate for a year.

Celibate. Paris Hilton. Do not adjust your computer screen. That's what she said. Really.

"I'm not having sex for a year. … I'll kiss, but nothing else," Ms. Hilton is quoted as saying.

Of course, she doesn't say what she might be kissing or how long she might be kissing it, so there might be a teensy bit of wiggle room here.

In the interview, Ms. Hilton, according to the AP, "told the magazine she has had sex with only two men during her lifetime."

All those who believe that statement raise your hand.

I thought so.

Actually, she might be telling the truth there, because later on in the article it becomes pretty clear where Ms. Hilton's true ardor lies.

"Hilton also told the magazine she collects $500,000 in fees just to show up at parties and other events from Las Vegas to Tokyo. Her best-paying gig, she said, was a recent Austrian appearance.

"I had to say `hi' and tell them why I loved Austria so much," she is quoted as saying.

And why does she like Austria? "Because they pay me $1 million to wave at crowds!""

It seems that it's not such a bad thing being the biggest and most pathetic joke on the planet, as long as you can get rich (or, I should say, even richer) doing it.

Her parents must be so proud...

Tom Moran